Disgusted and Tears

In preparation for my weight loss surgery, I asked Elsolel to assist me with measturements and pictures.
Our plan is to take pics and measurements every Sunday for the next 9 weeks for sure.
We will also do it on the 2 key Wednesdays, 27 June, the day I start my liquid diet, and 18 July, the day of my surgery.


Elsolel handed me my phone after taking the pictures and I literally started to cry.
I was so disgusted and ashamed and frustrated with how I look, how big I had become.
I found a picture of myself when I was trying to lose weight last time, and I am upset that I would be happy with that size right now.
At that size, I was going to the gym more often, I didn't hurt like I do now, I even did a Rugged Maniac.

My initial measurements

DATE	6/24/2018
Weight	374
Around Shoulders	64.25
Chest at Armpit	58
Chest at Nipple	60.25
Chest at Sternum	60.5
Waist	66
Hips	50
Bicep	22
Forearm	16
Wrist	8
Thigh	29
Calf	20.5
Ankle	11.5

My initial formulated body fat

LEAN BODY MASS	225.188
BODY FAT WEIGHT	148.812
BODY FAT PERCENT	39.78930481

This is using the formula at http://www.bmi-calculator.net/body-fat-calculator/body-fat-formula.php.

My initial pictures

The first pic is the grid I will be using as the back drop.
It is 33" wide, each square is 1".

For those that have followed my journey over the last 6 years you have seen me up and down and even pulled back and didn't post for a year.
This is what I looked like when I started, 6 years ago that I said I would be glad to be at now

I am going to try to post updates each week over the next 9-10 weeks then probably monthly after that.
My timeline as of now.
20180627 - Start 3 weeks liquid diet prep for surgery.
20180718 - Weight Loss Surgery. Clear Liquid diet.
20180725 - Change from Clear Liquid to Full Liquid diet, include stuff like yogurt, V8, pudding, and cottage cheese.
20180808 - Change from Full Liquid diet to Pureed diet. I can have most anything as long as it is pureed.
20180622 - Convert from Pureed diet to regular diet. I will be up to eating 1/4 - 1/2 cup food.

My goals for the surgery?
Weight loss: I want to be back down near my USMC weight at discharge (225) so from my current 374 to 250 pounds.
Diabetes: If I can't get rid of it completely, I want to at least go from U500 to U100 normal insulin. It would be even better if I could be off of insulin completely.
Size: I wore size 40-42 at that time so somewhere near there. A 1X or 2X shirt would be awesome.
Fitness: I want to be able to move like I used to, at least close to it. Not sure I will ever get to my sub 5 min mile but I would like to get a 5k at a jog.
Rucking: I want to be able to use my GoRuck Light credit and participate in one where I can carry myself and not need someone else to carry my stuff.
Personal: I want to be confident in myself again. I want to be able to think about myself without self deprecation.

So this weekend I am eating my last supper type stuff.
Elsolel and I went to Outback Steakhouse and had a Blooming Onion and other stuff.
I have had Cheetos, Doritos, and bagels, stuff I normally avoid but am getting my last ever taste of them.
I might be able to eat some of this stuff after a long while, maybe in a year or so but it might truly be the last time I do.