I am being pounded this morning with reminders that I am still on a journey to health
I have been bad about diet
I have been lazy and just catching semi bad food on the fly
I have been grabbing candy from co-workers jars (that are there for people to grab from)

I eat something I know I shouldn't then feel bad about myself
And then, since I am bad already, I have another
What the FRAK?

I saw a picture on FB that I shared
It talked about you have 1 body and it is up to you what you do with it
Then saw another about deciding on fixing yourself and then doing it
Final straw, the one that made me feel like crap, was an email from someone telling me how much I inspire them
How much me being open about my journey is helping them to improve themselves

My first reaction was to think bad about myself
"If you only knew how bad I have been you wouldn't say that"
"Not only am I letting myself down but others too"
"I am sorry for being such a bad example"

I know I am not a failure
A failure is one that gives up and quits
I am not doing that
I did let go of the reins for a while and let myself drift back into some of the bad habits I had before
Too many years of bad habits make them easy to fall back on when you don't think about it and just let yourself drift

I have a couple choices now
I can get back up on the horse, nose back to grind stone, pick up my pack and move
I can just let go and cruise

Since I have still been going to gym and seeing improvements there I know I wasn't planning on quitting
I just need to re-apply myself

It took years to make this body what it is
It will take a LONG time to fix it
Sometimes you just need a reminder that you are still on the journey


How Do You Reconcile

Been in a bit of a diet and workout funk recently
Since I did that Bod Pod
Combined with that, I was clearing space in my house for stuff from my dad's apartment and went backwards in some rooms I had cleaned up

Went to the counselor on Friday
While talking to him, it occured to me what was going on
I had gotten away from celebrating and had started focusing on the end of the journey and how far away it was
While I was doing well in eating and workout motivation, I was focused on close in goals
Adding just a little bit more weight or finishing all my reps
Focusing on just doing the right things for the right things sake

The Bod Pod made me look at how far I still had to go
I lost sight of the progress I had made
The pictures, the fitness and the inner strength I had
I started looking so far ahead and thinking that even if I did XXXXX amount a week that I was going to be years in getting there

When that combined with the fast cleaning and rearranging of stuff in my house
Where I was putting things into rooms that I had basically finished, just to get things out of the dining room
It hurt to feel I was going backwards there
I lost track of the amount of stuff I was able to get rid of
I for some reason focused on what I saw as the negative of cluttering up rooms that I had already cleaned

Having a tooth crack and going thru dental surgery to have it removed didn't make me feel any better
Missed workouts due to the tooth and post surgery

It has taken me a bit to process all of this
To realize I was allowing myself to have exceptions
To realize that I was allowing set backs to become excuses as to why I wasn't going to finish or keep going

I started my food logging again today
I still need to spend the time to plan out meals better

Elsolel has been a great help in making me realize I can expand what I do for food
I had gotten into kind of a rut with food and had started growing tired of it
She has helped throw together several great meals when I was drawing a blank and feeling blah about it all
Where I was thinking, just give up and go out

When I thought of the title of this post I had something specific in mind for it
Just now coming back to that
Think what I have already put here was something I needed to work through though
How do you reconcile your long term goals with short term goals and happiness?
How can I look at myself and realize I need to lose around 80-90lbs of fat mass to get into a "healthy" range?
How can I look at all the things still needed to be done around the house?

How can I look at how far I have to go and be happy with where I am now?
How can I see the end of the road so far away and be satisfied with where I am now?

I don't have an answer for it?
I have heard various answers but none really click with me

If anyone has done long distance cross country navigation there is a technique for it
Look far out at your final goal, align your body so you are pointed directly at it, then look at something close that you can see completely to be your first target and look behind to see what is directly behind you as a starting point
Then you go to your first goal, if you can see the final goal then repeat what you just did
If you can't then you line up your current goal with your starting point and look for another short term goal and go there
When you get there you line up your first goal with second and start and pick a third goal
Keep doing this until you can see your final goal again or you get to it

The key is to realize where you started, look for short term goals in sight and use those to keep you on your track
If you keep trying to just use your final goal it can get shielded by other things or blurred out with distance

My final goal is to live my life fully and be healthy
I look at my starting point and realize I have come a ways
I need to focus on shorter term goals that I can set and accomplish
I am going to use the SMART/SMARTER concept that wikipedia has (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_criteria)
Letter Major Term Minor Terms
S Specific Significant, Stretching, Simple
M Measurable Meaningful, Motivational, Manageable
A Attainable Appropriate, Achievable, Agreed, Assignable, Actionable, Ambitious, Aligned, Aspirational, Acceptable, Action-focused
R Relevant Results-oriented, Realistic, Resourced, Resonant
T Timely Time-oriented, Time framed, Timed, Time-based, Timeboxed, Time-bound, Time-Specific, Timetabled, Time limited, Trackable, Tangible
E Evaluate Ethical, Excitable, Enjoyable, Engaging, Ecological
R Reevaluate Rewarded, Reassess, Revisit, Recordable, Rewarding, Reaching

So my goals for the next 2 weeks are:
Maintenance Goals:
Log all my food for 2 weeks (http://www.myfitnesspal.com)
Get to the gym 3-4 times a week and work hard while there
Keep up on kitchen, dining room, sewing room, bedroom, bathroom maintenance

Progress Goals:
Clear living room of extra stuff

In 2 weeks I will look at these and evaluate them and make new ones

Now it is time to celebrate my successes and positives
I have a job, that I enjoy, with a company that appreciates me and my efforts, that I have a lot of room for growth, and a great boss to work for
I have a reasonably healthy body, that I have the ability to improve with work and effort, that doesn't have any major handicaps or weaknesses
I have a nice house, that has a lot of potential, that is being made better
I have talents, gifts and skills that I can use to enjoy myself and make others lives better
I have friends and aquaintences that make my life better
I have a new special friend in Elsolel