2021-08-16

Difference Between Optimism, Pessimism, Realism, and Giving Up

This year, 2021, I made some goals.
Status of those goals as of now:

100k Ultra - COMPLETE

Do a strict pull up - Still training
Body Weight Bench Press - Still training

1 blog post per month - In Progress

Sub 30 min 5k - Probably Won't Happen
1000 mile total - Probably Won't Happen
1.5x Body Weight Squat - Probably Won't Happen

With my injury, some of these probably won't happen.

I go in to see the doctor at the end of the month (unless there is a cancellation and I can get in early).
This will be a sort of pre-op check and I will still have to get surgery scheduled.
After surgery, it will be at least a couple weeks before I can start doing any real walking and probably a couple of months before I will be cleared to run.
That being the case, I won't be running again until probably Thanksgiving unless the doctor clears me early.

So, I have finished my 100k.
I have plans for next year to do the race again.
I want to kick the races ass and have it kick mine not just survive it.

I am back in the gym doing lifting.
My routine until I see the doctor will be M/W/F workout/walking.
I walk about 3 miles and then go into the gym.
Alternating 1 day with chest and 1 day with pulldown. 
Each week will have 2 of 1 and 1 day of the other, alternating weeks.
I am hoping to get in enough lifting to be able to accomplish my pull up and bench press goal.

I got a 34:27 5k but that was without training for speed.
I was hoping to do that after my 100k finished and I could concentrate more on speed rather than long distance pacing.
I don't expect to be able to improve on that time after my surgery so that is as good as it will get this year.
I will continue to train after surgery but realistically don't expect to accomplish this goal.

I got behind on my 1000 mile goal early in the year and was slowly catching up.
At this point, I won't be able to catch up.
I can't do the mileage.
I need to take time off between walks to rest my knee.
If I try to do 2 days in a row, it starts to hurt a LOT more. 
Anything more than 3 miles tends to hurt too.
I don't want to damage it more so no impact, which means no running.

The squat puts too much pressure on my knee.
Not doing ANY training for squats at this point.
Not even sure what I can or even could do.
I was doing body weight stuff before, like air squats and lunges.

I guess this is the line I walk between it looking like I am giving up and being realistic.
I am not giving up on accomplishing my goals but I still don't expect to finsh them.
There is always next year.




#YIAAGAITIA
#IAmWorthIt
#DFQ
#OneFatGuysJourneyToHealth
#SelfWorth
#WLSSuccess
#IfNotMeThenWho
#DoEpicShit

2021-08-03

Mixed Feelings

I accomplished one of my goals for the year.
I finished a 100K race.



Time: 29:47:06


Somewhere about 10-15 miles in, I did something to my right knee which made it sore.
I wasn't really able to even jog after that.
It just hurt to do it.
I kept pushing, thinking that if I rested at the next major stop, I could figure it out and be ok.
I had also developed blisters on the outside of my heels.
I pushed thru to the stop and took a break, changing socks and shoes. 
I had to re-tape my feet and found out that the tape I had in my drop bag really wasn't good, it was cotton based, not synthetic (note to get different stuff for next time).
I also made a note that I need to have good scissors in each drop bag or on me. 

When I left the stop, my knee still hurt a lot and I wasn't really able to jog.

I was also super annoyed as my watch had auto saved my workout even tho I had it on the watch face and Resume Later.
I guess it is an issue with the Fenix 5, that it will auto save sometimes when you charge it during an activity.
I talked to another runner that had the exact same thing happen to her.

Anyway, I was basically just walking at this point, mostly 16-17 min miles which is a pretty good pace. 
My normal long distance sustained jog/walk pace is only 13-14 min miles.

At this point, I was still enjoying the event. 
I was chatting with people and the pain wasn't bad enough to really do more than basically keep me walking instead of doing intervals.

I got to the turn around point, 31 miles into the event and my knee was really bugging me.
I had finished the last 5 miles chatting with a nice 78 year old lady doing the 100K too.
Interesting stories exchanged.

**** NOTE: Carry more water, even if you don't think you need it. Ran out several times on longer legs.

I decided to take a longer break to let the topical pain cream I had put on my knee have a chance along with the pain meds I took.
I was also expecting Eric to get there soon so wanted to chat with him rather than passing him going the other way.
My brother was at the stop waiting for Eric (he was doing crew for Eric) so we chatted a bit.
After 3 hours at the stop, I decided to just go out and I told my brother I would let him know when I spotted Eric as we were both really worried at this point.
He must have eaten something funky because he was throwing up everything moving super slow.
I wished him well and then let my brother know where I had spotted him and what was going on so he could prepare for it. 

I had again re-taped my feet but with good stuff this time.
I also had put some Vaseline over the tape to help reduce the friction.
At this point, it was pretty much too late but it would help some.

As I headed back to the Monroe station, which would be 40 miles into the event, my knee kept hurting but I could still sustain an ok walk.
It hurt to bend and also the pain was very localized, sharp, and didn't move around.
I started thinking it felt like when I tore my meniscus in 2017.

It was dark, I was tired, and I started wondering if I should stop at Monroe and quit.
I still would have 20 miles to go, had blisters, and if I did have a torn meniscus going on wasn't going to help.
It wasn't a full wall that some hit but I definitely was feeling down on myself.
I basically side stepped any decision and just kept going to Monroe.

Once I got there, I took more of a break, rested a bit in a chair provided by the volunteers, and had a bit more to eat.
I grabbed another ibuprofen and put more topical pain stuff on my knee.
At that point, it was getting close to the time I normally get up and I think I got a bit of a second wind mentally.
I got my lights hooked up on my vest, loaded water, put on extra shirts (it had gotten a lot cooler than expected), and headed out.

Eventually made it to the Hollywood station, the last drop bag location before the finish.
50 miles into the race at that point.

I asked the volunteers to help deal with the blisters on the sides of my heels.
**** NOTE: Build out a MUCH better blister kit.
They drained them really well and taped them back up.
I had some food and took another ibuprofen (which is way more than I should take in a day, I know, but I was hoping it would help with my knee).
My pace was still ok at 18 min miles at this point.

The event was not fun anymore for me tho.
It had turned into a pain endurance event, not a challenge physically, it was purely mental.

This leg was the detour around the tunnel and had a 1 1/2 mile long hill section with very steep paved hills.
When I got into the last rest stop, I was in tears and knew I was going to finish as I knew there was enough time in the clock that I could do 1 mile an hour and finish.
I iced my knee for a while and refilled my water. 

After a bit, I took off for the last leg.
I caught up to another runner, one doing the 100 mile event, and he was struggling a LOT mentally.
I slowed down a bit and we chatted a lot on the last couple miles into Belleville.
He started feeling better so was happy for him.

When we got really close to the finish line, I told him to go ahead of me rather than finishing side by side.
That way he got his time in the spotlight and could get his picture taken with just him.

My brother was there to walk in with me.
He kept asking if I wanted to jog at all but I didn't have it in me to do it.
I was on straight up mental block to finish thru the pain.
I crossed the line, got my picture and medal, and then went and sat down to rest the knee.

A volunteer brought me some pizza which she said helped my color.
I am not sure but it made her happy to help me.


I am home now and have a doctor appointment in 90 minutes.
I will do a follow up post once I know more.
I suspect, if it is a tear, that I won't know for sure until I can get an MRI which might take a bit to get depending on scheduling.
I also don't know what will happen with my other goals for this year.


****************
Over all feelings:

I hadn't realized how much I wanted to beat the course, not just survive the event.

I am happy that I finished.
I am satisfied that I accomplished the goal of doing a 100K.

I am saddened/frustrated/unhappy/unsatisfied that I had to do it like I did.
It feels like someone in a tough competition that wins the finals when their opponent resigns part way thru the final match.
It feels like I survived the event rather than run the race.

Looking at the some of the numbers from my heart rate monitor, I spent nearly 1/2 of the time not even in an zone.
That means that for 8+ hours, my heart rate never went above 85.
That isn't a workout.
That is a slow stroll and the only reason I still got a medal is that this even has such a generous time limit. 

I am already making plans for next year.
Talking to my brother on what we will do.
I am hoping that we can work out some of our plans and have crew there so he can run also.

If we can work those out, I will join a team for the Eagle UP and just plan on running 25 and running the 5 mile loops as fast as I can.
From my times now, I would love to finish all 5 of them under 1 hour each. 

Then to do the 100K in under 24 hours.
My Garmin has me only actually moving 19 hours.
If I had been able to take shorter breaks, not resting my knee as much, I could have finished under that this year. 
I want to cross that finish line totally wiped out and collapse due to exhaustion.



#YIAAGAITIA
#IAmWorthIt
#DFQ
#OneFatGuysJourneyToHealth
#SelfWorth
#WLSSuccess
#IfNotMeThenWho
#DoEpicShit
#badger100k
#tenjunkmiles