Is it the weather or the season or the holidays

Woke up this morning really down
I have been feeling depressed and out of it for a while
I don't know if it is the season, the weather, the holiday, or what

Don't know if depressed is the right word
I know it is more
I am hoping by writing it down it might help
I am EXTREMELY self critical right now to the point of thinking I don't deserve good things

I know there are people in my life that care for me
I know that I am better off than many
I know that I am thankful for what I do have
I know that I am a good person
I know that it isn't as bad as it seems right now
I know there is a difference between knowing and feeling


I feel alone
I feel frustrated
I feel like I am useless
I feel like I am not getting anywhere in my life
I feel like I am trapped
I feel like I am not doing any good for anyone
I feel like I am just existing
I feel like always behind and will never ever come out ahead
I feel like crying