2012-11-15

Addiction

I wrote the post below 2 weeks ago
I didn't post it then
Not really sure if it was out of shame, fear, doubt or something else
Another post coming as soon as I can write it



I have a food addiction
That is the only thing I can think to call it
Saw a post on FB about food addiction and it just clicked

Elsolel has been staying in the house due to visitors in her house needing her room
I realized that I was hiding food consumption
Eating on the road or eating something and taking the garbage out to get the wrapper/box out of the house
Eating some at work and then eating again at home
Eating out more often and making excuses that it was ok
Eating enough that I am feeling physically ill

I have not been going to the gym
At first it was due to a serious injury on my leg
That is still affecting me but not enough that I couldn't get to the gym
There really isn't a good reason for me to not go

I have put size back on since my pants are getting tighter
Laying on my side I notice my stomach
I have been having more GERD nights
I feel tired
I feel like crap about myself
I feel helpless about it since I find myself eating something, talking to myself about it, chastising myself, then eating more

I have made progress, lost size, got where I was close to going down a pants size, made it thru the Rugged Maniac, eating healthy
Then for some reason I just stop, self sabotage, what ever you want to call it

Somehow I need to figure out what the psychological trigger is that causes me to stop being "good" or doing the "healthy" thing or doing the "right" thing after a while

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