My friend that was going to come up and do it with me just let me know she suffered an injury and won't make it.
I have been having serious doubts and fears that I will be able to complete it.
That I will be able to carry my own share of the event and not be a drag on the team.
I have been giving serious thought to sending an email and telling them I can't do it and postpone my event until a later one.
I really want to do that.
Why?
Because I don't know that I can do it.
Because I don't know that I am in shape for it.
Because I am SCARED.
I really want to complete it but I am scared that I will try and fail.
That I will be told that I am not good enough to complete the event.
That I will be embarrassed and humiliated for not making it.
It scares me enough that I have been stressing a LOT about it.
I was talking to someone about the music I listen to and I mentioned that one of my favorite songs was "Live Like You Were Dying"
This is one of those things that I need to do.
My logo has NO QUIT NO OBSTACLE NO EXCUSE on it.
I need to do a new one.
I need to add NO REGRET.
As I was thinking about all of this, I remembered this quote:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt, "Man in the Arena" Speech given April 23, 1910
It just boils down to a couple things.
I need to let go of the fear of failure.
I need to let go of the fear of not being good enough.
As the Spartans used to say, Η ΤΑΝ Η ΕΠΙ ΤΑΣ
Ή τάν ή επί τάς (I tan i epi tas): "This, or on this"
That is all I can do, my best, and either be victorious or go down trying.
Valhalla isn't populated with those that postponed their trials.
It's okay to be scared. Some of us are scared of failing, others, like myself, scared of success. You have a strong soul. Do not be slave to your fear.
ReplyDeleteIf the time comes, when you have to take your out, do not take it as a failing. Take it as a lesson. I went with Jaime to Dizzy goat. I could not stay the entire time. I was suffering heat exhaustion, and my body cannot regulate its temperature on its own with the meds I am taking. Yes, I dropped, and it is taking effort, but I am training mentally, too. I dropped so I can have a next time. I hit a wall. It sucked, but not as much as it would have if I had continued and permanently injured myself. I took knowledge from that day. I now know I can walk 5 hours straight in 75% humidity at 90 degrees and live. I now know if I want ore from myself, what I need to do to tailor my regime to fit that. There is no shame in knowledge gained, and if nothing else, use this ruck as a benchmark. There will be other races and other rucks, and this one, like all of them to follow, are exercises of heart as well as body, and are paths to self discovery. You should never feel shamed about that.