I hear you but I am not sure I believe you

My girlfriend, Elsolel, keeps telling me I am awesome.
I have family and others telling me that I am doing a good job.
The manager at the gym commented that it looked like I had lost weight.
My doctor was pleased that my A1c was the lowest it had been in years.

I hear all of this but still struggle to internalize it.
To believe that I am good enough.
That I am doing a good job.
That I am making progress and all the work I am doing is worth it.

As a US Marine veteran, I have an extremely self confident core belief in myself.
I climbed Mount Mother F*cker.
I have been thru some seriously bad stuff.
I walked thru the valley and came out the other side, beaten, damaged, but I made it thru.
I have an absolute belief in myself.

I have a phrase that I made up (as such) a LONG time ago
Yes I Am As Good As I Think I Am

But I still doubt myself at times.
I still doubt my worth at times.

You know what?
It is perfectly fine for me to doubt myself at times.
I won't dwell in the doubt.
I won't wallow in self pity.

I see that I have doubt, I acknowledge those feelings, and I move on.
Feelings are real.
I know that I have to deal with them or they will fester.

Will I ever be able to join the solid core inner belief in myself with my minds self doubting & self criticizing part into a solid non doubting combination?
I don't know.
I just know that I will keep moving on.

You never know when the Gods are watching.
You never know when someone that is on the ragged edge of quitting life completely will see you and say, "Because of that person, I will give it another try. I will go another day."
You may never know when your actions can inspire someone to not quit.

I will do my best to always live my life in honor.
I will do my best to always live my life as an inspiration just in case.


  1. You are awesome.
    I'll believe it, until you believe it.
    Then we'll believe it.
    (I'm fabulous, by the way. ;) )

  2. You are an inspiration to all of us. Every one of us. Thank you!